From This Moment On Read online

  She’d squeezed the muffin into a misshapen lump.

  8

  NIKKI KNEW BETTER. Nothing good came of waking up before noon. She should’ve stayed in bed. But it was too late for that, now that she was already at the Sundance.

  “Hey.” She found Rachel and Hilda making lunch in the big modern kitchen with its stainless-steel appliances and gleaming pearl-gray granite countertops. “I came by to see if you needed help today.”

  “Oh.” Rachel seemed surprised, which she would since Nikki never dropped by without being asked or calling first. “That’s nice of you. But I think we’re okay. Most of the guests are out kayaking.”

  “With Trace?” God, Nikki hoped she didn’t sound as desperate and panicked as she did to herself. They were still supposed to meet since she hadn’t heard otherwise. And she wanted to see him. Needed to see him. She didn’t know why. She just did.

  “No, he had them yesterday. It was Josh’s turn. Grab something to drink and sit down.”

  “Have you eaten yet?” Hilda asked, studying Nikki from head to toe. The housekeeper’s round face darkened. “You’ve lost weight, chica.”

  Odd remark considering Nikki wore tight jeans and an old tank top that had shrunk from too many washings. In fact, had she been thinking, she would’ve changed before leaving the house.

  “I’ve eaten,” she lied, and slapped the side of her thigh. “This baby fat hasn’t gone anywhere, I’m afraid.”

  Rachel opened the fridge to return a jar of mayo, but stopped to give her the stink eye. “Don’t think I won’t hurt you because you’re Matt’s sister.”

  Nikki managed a smile. “Have you talked to him today?”

  “Early this morning. Why?”

  “He say anything about Wallace?”

  “It’s sort of a given.” Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “He normally ends up part of the conversation. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Taking a deep breath, Nikki pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. “Matt said if I want to say goodbye, I should do it today.” She glanced at Hilda, who was making the sign of the cross. The woman had been with the McAllisters forever. She knew Wallace was worthless, but she still acted human. Why couldn’t Nikki find that kind of compassion?

  Rachel sat at the table with her. “So, did you?”

  “See Wallace?” Nikki frowned. “No. I came here to cover for you in case you want to be with Matt.”

  Rachel’s expression held no censure, simply concern and kindness. “Maybe you should be with him.”

  Nikki sighed and stared out the window over the sink. All she could see was the sky, so clear and blue. “I think I might make things worse.”

  “Come on, you can’t really think that.” Rachel reached over and rubbed her arm. “Your brother loves you, and he understands.”

  “I don’t want to disappoint him, but I can’t fake that I care. Because I don’t. I—I—” Nikki looked at Hilda. “I saw you say a brief prayer and I thought, why can’t I be that charitable? What’s wrong with me?”

  “Oh, Nikki.” Rachel scooted her chair closer. “You barely know the man, and he’s been nothing but horrible to you, to your mom, everyone.”

  “What I hate most is how he treated Matt. I can’t forgive him for that.”

  Rachel shrugged. “Neither can I.”

  “But then I’m not hurting Wallace. It’s Matt who’s suffered because I’ve been selfish, and now it’s too late.” Nikki rarely cried, but she was starting to choke. Kindness did that to her.

  “This is my honest opinion,” Rachel said, her gaze steady. “Both of you were better off with you keeping your distance. Two extra hands might’ve helped, but not the tension. Knowing how you feel, Matt never wanted you waiting on Wallace or taking care of him. He’d rather you make a clean start here, create good memories.”

  In a way this was making Nikki feel worse. Rachel was warm, supportive and perfect for Matt. And Nikki adored her. So how could she feel jealous at the same time? She struggled daily with her petty thoughts. Her relationship with her brother was still new but already changing since he’d hooked up with Rachel. They were great, both trying to keep her from feeling like the odd person out. Nikki’s contribution was to disappear as much as possible.

  “I have a confession.” Hilda put a glass of orange juice in front of Nikki. It was understood she’d better drink it, or else. “Yes, you saw me making the sign of the cross. You know why? Because I know Mr. Gunderson is not going up there,” she said solemnly, pointing at the ceiling.

  With a straight face, Rachel asked, “You mean upstairs?”

  Nikki was able to hold back a grin. Until Hilda glared at Rachel, who started laughing and turning as red as a tomato.

  “I wouldn’t even expect that from your brothers.” Hilda turned to the stove, no amusement in her face.

  “I’m sorry,” Rachel said. “I shouldn’t have joked. I’m tired, though that’s no excuse.” She stood. “If you don’t need me, I’ll go see Matt.”

  Nikki didn’t dare look at her again. If she did, she’d start laughing and not stop. It was one of those weird inappropriate reactions you couldn’t explain. And she’d hate to upset Hilda. She reminded Nikki of her grandmother, and she’d been just as kind, throwing in Spanish words here and there, trying to make Nikki feel at home. She didn’t have the heart to admit her Spanish vocabulary consisted mostly of cusswords.

  “I can help,” Nikki said, once Rachel was gone. “I’ll wash sheets, towels, do whatever you need.” She picked up the glass and gulped down some juice before Hilda turned to her.

  With amusement dancing in her dark eyes, Hilda waved a wooden spoon in the direction Rachel had disappeared. “Lucky for that one she doesn’t get into more trouble.” Hilda looked at Nikki. “How about a bean and cheese burrito, chica?”

  Nikki blinked. Her go-to comfort food. Of course Hilda would know...she was from a poor Texas border town and had grown up much like Nikki. “I would love one,” she said.

  “Red hot sauce?”

  Nikki nodded, saw Hilda shake her head again at Rachel, and started to laugh. The short break she’d taken to compose herself meant nothing. She couldn’t stop laughing.

  Until her eyes filled with tears.

  * * *

  TRACE HAD SEEN Nikki’s truck so he knew she was at the Sundance. He figured she’d be in the kitchen with Rachel. He entered the house through the mudroom and found her sitting at the table.

  Her head was bowed, her long dark hair loose and hiding her face. Her shoulders shook, and it kind of sounded as if she was laughing. But he prepared himself to be wrong. Pulling off his work gloves, he lifted a brow at Hilda. She shrugged, then gestured for him to stay back. Bad sign.

  He liked being around women, no secret there, but one who was crying made him want to pack a tent and stock a cooler. But then Nikki wasn’t just any woman, and he had offered her a shoulder to cry on.

  “Hey.” He moved closer. “Nikki?”

  She looked up with wide watery eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  He smiled and pulled out a chair.

  “I know you live here. I just thought you’d be out in a pasture somewhere.” She wiped her cheek and sat straighter.

  Damn, but he still couldn’t tell if she’d been crying-crying or laughing-crying. Either way he wanted to pull her into his lap and put his arms around her. He didn’t care that Hilda was watching, but Nikki might. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, fine.” She shoved her hair back, wincing when her fingers pushed through a tangle. “You missed Rachel by a few minutes.”

  “She lives here, too. I’ll see her.” He leaned over and used his thumb to wipe a dark smudge from her cheek.

  She jerked away. “What are you doing?”

  He held up the evidence on the pad of his thumb. Makeup, probably, and he didn’t know why that made him think those were real tears but that’s what he concluded.

  “Better not be here to cancel on me,” he said, an
d her gaze darted to Hilda. But he’d been careful how he worded it so no harm.

  “No.” She dabbed under her eyes. “I know Jamie’s away for a few days so I stopped by to see if I could cover for Rachel so she can go see Matt.”

  He wiped his hand on his jeans, not sure what to do. With Hilda there it was hard to talk. “Is that where she went?”

  Nikki frowned. “Oh, Rachel. Yes, but she may not have left yet.”

  Trace shrugged. “I was just wondering...”

  “Did you have lunch?” Hilda asked.

  “An hour ago. In the bunkhouse with the boys.”

  “So now you like Chester’s cooking better than mine?”

  “Come on...” He grinned. “You don’t believe that, Hilda. You know you’ve ruined me for any other woman. Or I should say cook.”

  Chuckling, she washed and dried her hands. “I’m making bean and cheese burritos if you want one. But first I have to check the clothes in the dryer.”

  He might’ve believed her had she gone in the right direction. “What’s going on, Nikki?”

  “Nothing.” Her brows lifted, and her eyes widened just enough to fake surprise, but he wasn’t buying it.

  Leaning forward, he slid a hand behind her neck and pulled her face toward him. Her stunned expression looked real enough now. “Were you crying?” he asked, and brushed his lips across hers.

  “You must’ve been out in the sun too long,” she murmured, but didn’t retreat. “You can’t do this here in the kitchen.”

  “If Hilda or Rachel or my mom walked in right now, think they’d be shocked?”

  “Yes, I do. I’m shocked.”

  Trace smiled and used the tip of his tongue to dampen her lower lip. “Tell me the truth.”

  “About?”

  “Everything.”

  Nikki’s warm sweet breath slipped out, tempting him to do more exploring. “Dream on,” she whispered, her lips lightly moving over his.

  He applied more pressure, making it a real kiss, until it started getting out of hand. “I’d settle for the reason you were crying.”

  She pulled back, sighing. “I wasn’t crying, really. I was a little...tense...and Rachel made me laugh, and then I couldn’t stop. You know how that is.... Sometimes laughing and crying sort of blur together.”

  “Is it about Wallace?”

  “Jesus, it wasn’t about him.” She jumped up, and he caught her arm.

  “Wait. Don’t get all bent. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” He held on to her while he got to his feet.

  “I’m fine. I’m always fine.”

  “You don’t have to stand on your own all the time, Nikki.” He ran his palms down her bare arms. “You’re not alone anymore.”

  She stiffened. “What does that mean?”

  “People here care about you.”

  Her chin came up, and her gaze locked on his face. A hint of challenge glinted in her eyes. “Who?”

  Trace hadn’t expected the question and it stopped him. “Matt, for one,” he said. “Rachel. Hilda. Jamie.” Nikki kept staring at him. “Sadie.” He touched her cheek, wondering why he was having trouble including himself. It wasn’t as if the L word would come into play or that she was asking for a commitment. And he did have feelings for Nikki. Her small sad smile got to him. “And me. I care about you.”

  “You don’t have to say that.”

  “I know I don’t.” He finger-combed her hair, massaging her scalp and watched her lashes flutter, then droop. “If I hesitated it was only because I figured how I felt was understood.”

  “That’s lame.”

  He smiled. “I know that, too.”

  “You’re forgiven as long as you keep this up.” She let her chin drop as he worked his fingers toward the back, all the way down to the top of her spine.

  Her small-boned frame felt fragile, and even though he was careful not to rub too hard, her whole body rocked under the pressure of his fingers. But he kept kneading out the tension, feeling her relax until her forehead rested against his chest and she let out soft moans.

  When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he tightened his arms around her and cradled her to his chest.

  Slowly she brought her chin up, tilting her head back to look at him. “I thought we were supposed to cool it until we figured out what we’re doing.”

  “I’m not starting anything, just letting you know I’m here.”

  “So that’s what you call this.”

  “Why?” He dipped down for a quick kiss. “What do you call it?”

  “Trouble.”

  “Ah. You’ve got me there.” He stared down at her lips, fascinated with their silky smooth texture, at how they plumped into a perfect pout. When he met her dazed eyes, his jaw clenched. “You,” he whispered, his whole body tensing, “give trouble a new meaning.”

  She pressed her breasts against him, peeling off another layer of his control. The little imp knew exactly what she was doing. A few more minutes and he wouldn’t be interested in any more talking.

  Nikki clutched his shoulders and arched her back, just a little, enough to expose more of her slender neck and throat. “You realize Hilda could walk in at any moment.”

  “Hell, she’s probably listening at the door to see if it’s safe to come back.”

  “God no.”

  She froze when his answer was to kiss the tip of her chin. He traced her lips with his tongue, getting too heated for his own good. But Nikki wasn’t responding. Not in a way he’d hoped, anyway. Her body had stiffened and now she was trying to evade his mouth.

  He stumbled back a step but held on to her. “What?”

  “Hilda.”

  “I was joking.”

  “No, you weren’t.”

  “You’d really care if she caught us?”

  “Yes.” She swung a gaze toward the dividing door to the dining room.

  “You keep surprising me.”

  She shrugged a shoulder as if she wasn’t happy with her reaction but there it was. “You’d be embarrassed, too. And don’t deny it.”

  He didn’t, even though she was wrong. After being with the family for over thirty years, Hilda was as much a part of the Sundance as any of them. She’d waded through the hormone-driven teen years of her own son, Ben, as well as Trace and his brothers. Not much left that could embarrass him or Hilda.

  Tightening his arms around Nikki, he brushed his lips over her ear. “I get you moaning loud enough she’ll never come in.”

  Nikki let out a startled laugh. “You’re that sure of yourself?”

  He grabbed a handful of hair and tilted her head back again. The curve of a woman’s throat had never been a turn-on for him, not like this. He kissed the soft silken skin, knowing damn well he was only torturing himself. This had to end soon. Before it got out of hand. Before he couldn’t remember the reason they’d stopped the other day. Matt. Rachel. Nikki’s fresh start. She didn’t need a complication right off. Or to have folks gossiping about her. They all knew he wasn’t the type to take on a relationship. He hadn’t been serious about a girl since high school. He just hadn’t met anyone who made him want to put on blinders.

  She made a muted purring sound that vibrated against his mouth. It might as well have zipped straight to his cock. Not much separated common sense from a wild need to drag her up to his room. He had to calm down.

  “And the guests?” she asked, letting her head fall back even more. Eyes closed, lips parted, ready for him to slip his tongue inside. Taste the sweetness he’d already sampled.

  “What about them?” He breathed in her dizzying scent, warned himself again to back off. The argument was already fading in his mind.

  “One of them could walk in on us.”

  “So?”

  She smiled, swaying enough that he had to tighten his arm around her waist. “This is crazy.”

  “Maybe we should start your lesson early.”

  “My—?” She opened her eyes. “Oh, right,” she murmured, blinking a
way the confusion. “What time is it?”

  The big round clock hung on the wall to his left. He strained to see it without losing ground, fearing if he let her go, the moment would be lost.

  Nikki pushed on his arm, trying to look for herself. He relaxed his hold and she broke away. The sensible side of his brain told him it was for the best. His body strongly disagreed.

  He turned to the clock, so worked up inside that he had to squint to focus. No way that much time had gone by since he’d come inside. He cut off a curse at the last second. Cole wanted to meet him in the east barn, and Trace had agreed to be there five minutes ago.

  “What’s wrong?” Nikki touched his arm, then quickly withdrew.

  She shouldn’t have to worry about a casual touch, that was the kind of thing he’d been trying to avoid. If he hadn’t pushed, she might not have given it a second thought. He lightly squeezed her shoulder, then went to the window and looked outside for Cole. If he were on time, he’d be waiting at the entrance.

  “I forgot I was supposed to meet Cole. I’ll come look for you when I’m done and we can talk about later.” When he saw his brother standing outside the stable talking to Karina, Trace grinned. He knew by the look on Cole’s face he’d been caught off guard and would do anything to escape. That gave Trace a couple more minutes with Nikki.

  She joined him at the window, and the instant she spotted them she broke out in a huge smile.

  “What’s that for?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Yeah, sure looks like nothing.” It reminded him to ask her about the other night. “You and Karina, at the Watering Hole, what were you laughing about?”

  She turned away, shaking her head. “I can’t tell you. I promised.”

  “Well, that’s a fine thing.” He caught her arm, spun her back to face him. “You trust her more than you do me?”

  “You want me to break a promise?”

  Hard to argue when she put it that way. “Give me a hint. Did it have anything to do with what I told her about you and me?”

  Nikki lost the smile. “What did you say?”

  Trace cringed. He should’ve thought before putting himself on the hot seat. “She asked if you were my girlfriend and I sorta said I was working on it.”